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Posts tagged ‘Lana Meredith’

Mar 23

Survival

Last Saturday my Kindle broke.

Yes, Amazon will fix it – for free. Yes, the new one arrives today. But at the time, I thought, really, universe?! If you’re going to suck my whole life down the drain doing things I really wish I wasn’t doing, couldn’t you at least have left me with my Kindle?

Yes, I know. This is one of those first world problems. For a list of more first world problems, join me on Pinterest. My board ‘words to live by’ has an excellent – and hilarious – explanation.

But, though I’m ashamed to admit it, the loss of my Kindle did mess me up.

Why?

I was re-reading The Hunger Games.

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Mar 19

15 Comments

Scraping for Grace

Last summer an old friend found this blog and sent me an email.

It brought me to tears. But the part I remember most was where he told me it was okay if I broke down once in awhile.

I knew what he meant. He was giving me permission to be less than perfect.

I thanked him for his wise words. But I also told him the truth, which was, I wasn’t faking the decision to be happy. In fact, cancer – somehow – increased my capacity for joy.

I’ve not felt much like breaking down these past three years.

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Mar 6

6 Comments

Great Power, Great Responsibility

Last Tuesday I pulled my six-year-old girl out of school.

I’ve agonized over the decision for weeks. Many of you know that I intended to wait. I wanted her to finish grade one with her friends. I wanted her to have four more months with the fabulous woman she’s been blessed with for a teacher. I wanted the transition to be gentle.

None of that happened.

Out of respect for Noelle’s privacy, I won’t share details here.  But my girl begged me to let her learn at home. And once I’d shared her concerns with a couple of close psychologist friends, I realized it didn’t matter if her request fit my plans. Pulling her now was what we had to do.

The next day BC teachers voted to strike.

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Feb 19

4 Comments

Definition

I have a friend who’s really good at something.

Actually, I have lots of friends who are freakishly talented at one thing or another. David and I float in a variety of accomplished crowds. We know alotof big-dreamers, sky-reachers, place-goers, and world-changers.

We – not so secretly – love living vicariously through them.

But to us, they’re just them.

We recently attended a party for one of these place-goers. Everyone who spoke about her mentioned her incredible talent.

I wasn’t surprised to hear how gifted she was. But the more I heard people refer to that thing, the more I thought, yeah, she’s really great at that, but…

…But to me, she’s just her.

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Feb 4

6 Comments

Career Motherhood

Source: google.com via Morgan on Pinterest

My childhood aspirations didn’t include motherhood.

No, that’s not accurate. My plans included motherhood.

But that was just it. I thought I would do all of these really great things, and tuck my children in there somewhere, like something you check off a to-do list.

Is that such a terrible idea? First-time parents – particularly those career-oriented individuals who’ve waited to start a family – might understand what I mean. Actors bring their children to movie sets. Lawyers spend their lunches at playgrounds. Doctors build offices next to their houses and see their children between patients.

Surely I could manage that, right?

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Jan 25

12 Comments

Engage, Disengage

“It would be good if you could come.”

A friend recently invited me to an event that sounded amazing – fun, restful, joyful, and good. Her words were accurate: it would be good if I could come. It would provide rest, develop relationship, and give me time to think, meet, and connect.

It all sounded great.

But I had a nagging feeling I shouldn’t go.

Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever think, that sounds incredible, or, I should go to that, because you know it will be so good for you, and yet, deep down, also know you shouldn’t go?

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Jan 11

5 Comments

A Healthy Dose of Rebellion

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. – John F. Kennedy

Living in the town you grew up in has its advantages and disadvantages.

Primary advantage: you know where everything is.

Primary dis-advantage: you know who everyone is.

That last part’s not quite true. My ‘town’ is really too big to be called a town. But it’s the smallest ‘big-city-suburb’ I know, because everyone is related to everyone, and once you know a handful of those people related to everyone, you know everyone else and how they relate back.

Someday I should really do a ‘six degrees of – (insert semi-Mennonite or Dutch name here) chart’, except it might take me, well, years to write down.

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Jan 5

2 Comments

Not a Has-Been, but a Will-Be: Bacall, Bogey & New Year’s Resolutions

I am not a has-been. I am a will be. – Lauren Bacall

I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions.

I used to be. I used to wish each year for the proverbial fifteen-pound-weight loss. I used to dream of flawless skin. I used to lust after better clothes or easier-to-manage hair.

But that’s all those things really turned out to be – wishes, dreams, and jealousies.

Some years, I was extra-determined. I had a plan. The plan would work. I would get what I wanted. And everyone else would look at me and say, hey, look at you!

Except the plan never worked. All the things you have to do in order to be skinnier and look better require powerful, long-term, daily-accessible motivation.

And what I look like on the outside was just never enough motivation. Read more

Dec 24

6 Comments

You Are Not Alone

Disclaimer: I write this knowing that many of you who are good enough to read my blog may feel uncomfortable with faith. Know that I understand your questions, your concerns. I’ve been there myself, so many times.  Please don’t feel you need to read this. But I needed to write it. So, to those who are willing to indulge me… I thank you. Merry Christmas to you all.

Christmas Eve is usually my favorite day of the whole year.

Not this year.

I’m not entirely sure why it seemed so… off. We were surrounded by people. We were extravagantly gifted. We were focused on the ‘right things’.

But, somehow, a thousand things clumped together to make me wish, so fervently, that this day – this season – be over.

I’m starting to hate Christmas.

Yes, I said it. And though most of you are thinking, that chick be loca, a few of you just pumped your fist in the air with a sigh of finally, someone else thinks the same thing. Read more

Dec 19

4 Comments

The Best Thing I did Last Christmas

Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave. – Indira Ghandi

The best thing I did last Christmas had nothing to do with family gatherings, food, music, lights… or what was under the tree.

In fact, it wasn’t public at all.

Last Christmas – after a particularly painful conversation with someone I wasn’t sure I could trust – I realized I was carrying something… heavy. Without trying, I’d found myself in… let’s call it tension, with a few key people  – and one of them called me out.

I didn’t know where the tension came from. Perhaps it was gradual, like a stack of tiny rocks I’d collected over the few years I’d known these people. I thought I’d stuffed it away, or even ‘dealt with it,’ and yet here I was, less than a week from Christmas, and the rocks had spilled all over the main part of my life.

There was no escaping it.

And I knew I had a choice: continue in the tension, try to pretend it wasn’t there, or try and diffuse it.

Those of you who’ve ever been married know that the best way to escalate a fight is to: 1) defend yourself, or 2) leave.

The only way to diffuse it?

Swallow your pride, stay in place, and try to understand the other person. Read more

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