Skip to content

Nov 17

Exercise, Another Tool in Your Fight: A Guest Post from the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance’s David Haas

A huge welcome to those of you new to this blog. Check out the ‘About’ Page for my background and the ‘CML’ page for details on the cancer I fight. And please don’t drop in and run away! I’d love it if you said hi and told me a bit about you, either through a blog comment, on Twitter, Facebook, or by email.

Yesterday, my fabulously talented physical trainer friend posted a photo of a rather out-of-shape person attempting to jog.

The caption: It doesn’t matter how slow you go, you’re still lapping the people sitting on the couch.

So true. No matter what you do, its better than nothing.

I blogged yesterday about exercise and optimism, including my rebellious need to run up the stairs right before I’m scheduled for an echocardiogram.

There’s something so empowering about exercising, despite our limitations. It changes us, physically, mentally, and socially. It gives us resilience, confidence, and something like gumption. And though I no longer make it to the gym like I used to, I am a faithful Jillian Michaels and Insanity exerciser. I like daring myself to see how far I can challenge myself, without, of course, overdoing it.

Yes, in another life, with another body, I would be a woman’s moguls skier.

In this life, I’m merely a young mom fighting cancer. Read more

Nov 16

4 Comments

Optimism, Denial, and Echocardiograms

echocardiogram – often referred to in the medical community as an ECHO, is a sonogram of the heart, otherwise known as a cardiac ultrasound (wikipedia).

Lonna?

Yes, the lady with the dreary white lab coat and short red hair meant me. Many people assume my name should be pronounced the exotic way.

Just so you know, it’s not exotic. It rhymes with one of my less-than-favorite fruits.

As a child, I had difficulty sucking in my stomach. My ballet teacher told me I had to stop standinglike a banana.

Hmm.

Maybe that’s why I got the nickname.

(shakes head) Now is not the time to bring up childhood torments.

Back to yesterday morning.

We have to go to the second floor, lab coat lady said (I never did find out her name).

I glanced at David. We’d spent the hour-and-a-half drive to the hospital laughing and singing and thinking, hey, this might be a date.

We’ve always had less-than-traditional dates. Read more

Nov 9

8 Comments

Living the Dream

Last week, a woman died at the Occupy Vancouver site.

We’re not entirely sure why. Many believe it was a drug overdose. Some say its her own fault. Some say its the mayor’s fault. Some say it’s the richest 1%’s fault for causing her life to feel so hopeless she felt she needed that large of an escape.

I say, that large, because, how many of us don’t need an escape, from time to time?

It’s interesting that we’re so quick to attach fault and blame to events. I spoke with a few colleagues recently about how personally we take each delivery we’re a part of. If it goes well, we attribute it to ourselves. If it doesn’t, we also attribute it to ourselves. And yet there’s always a few events in life – birth, death, and all the little things in between – that don’t seem to have been anyone’s fault.

Sure, if you’re looking for it, we can attach blame to anyone, for anything. Usually I find I need to blame someone or something when I’m the most afraid or ashamed about something. When my world has been shifted significantly, I’d like to find the giant who knocked it off its curve.

Sometimes, there’s no giant though. Sometimes there’s a thousand tiny hamsters, seeming to run in different directions, that make enough scurry to move something really, really big. Read more

Nov 2

4 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Woman: Mary Electa Adams

‘I dread the idea of living uselessly.’ – Mary Electa Adams

Quick disclaimer: know that neither my husband nor I work for Amazon or have any connection with them.

No, really, we don’t.

Promise.

Last Christmas my husband told me he wanted a Kindle for Christmas. I scathingly told him he was flying in the face of the spirit of reading and promoting an instant-satisfaction culture. I told him the point of books over television was the media difference of paper and words versus images and screens.

He eventually capitulated, claiming he just wanted to read more and thought the Kindle would help him do that.

After my purist monologue, I thought about what he said, and did some research.

And, I bought him a Kindle for Christmas.

Considering my previous rant, he was completely surprised on Christmas Day. Read more

Oct 27

13 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Women: Eleanor Roosevelt

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Every time I go to work, I feel my heart rip out of my chest.

No, not really. But the thundering thump-thump-thump of my girls feet on the stairs, racing to give me a goodbye hug as I head out the door, always makes me feel conflicted.

I love my job. I love how much it connects to what I do at home: at work, I help women become mothers; at home, I try not to lose it with my own children.

Some days are more successful than others. Some days, I’m relieved to head out the door and deal with something else’s issues rather than my own. Other days, I wish I could curl up on the couch and read Biscuit books with my kids.

Some of my stay-at-home-mom friends tell me how they can’t believe I work outside the home. Others wish they had that outlet. Others (genuinely) wonder if I’m doing the right thing by working.

Sometimes I wonder the same thing.

And, other times, often only five minutes after I wonder if  I should still be doing this, I’m so glad I do what I do. Read more

Oct 19

2 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Women: You. Yes, You. All of You.

I know what you’re thinking: Oh my word, she’s done it. She’s run out of inspiring women to write about.

Not true. In the slightest.

In fact, it’s just the opposite. There’s so many I could write about that today, I got overwhelmed. I was reading about all these amazing women and couldn’t choose.

So I decided to write about all of you.

Hang on. Let me explain.

One of the groups of women I thought about today were my co-workers. I don’t say this enough, but each of you have my deep respect. There is a lot of room for talent in our job, and even though that means many of us are vastly different from each other, it means there’s a lot of room to respect each other, too.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of you, its that – more often than not – vulnerability invites respect.

Even in those people we really don’t think will understand. Read more

Oct 15

5 Comments

To a Greater Abnormal

Many of you know that earlier this year my hairdresser of 17 years announced she was moving. I didn’t think much of it, assuming it would be only a few minutes away.

Then she told me it was actually a few hours and a couple ferry rides away.

I admit, the word that came out of my mouth was… ahem, not so graceful. Not very PG. 

She laughed at my response. I’ll miss you too, she said.

It’s not just that, I countered. I can’t find another you!

Some of you women may understand me: haircuts, dyes, and styles involve a lot of trust between you the person doing them. You have to believe they aren’t going to make you look ugly, homeless, fatter, or older than you are.

And after awhile, the trust becomes personal. They get you through things. Events, birthdays, banquets, weddings, funerals, holidays, family gatherings… even illnesses (though I haven’t lost my hair from chemo, it’s composition has definitely changed and my hairdresser has helped me adapt).

Even if you don’t know your hairdresser that well, per se, you often leave them (at least a good one) with the sense that they saved your life in a way, and you can relax a little more the next time you go there. Read more

Oct 12

6 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Woman: Jackie Kennedy

Whoever said that life gets easier when your kids are in school lied.

No, no, they did. And you, whoever you are, well, I will never believe anything you say, ever again.

Because this is not easier. It is busier than ever. I sleep less, I have less time to myself. I am slowly going insane. Each day another miniscule piece of my brain is falling off and being replaced by mush. And that mush cries, ‘you will never have another sane moment as long as you’re alive.’

Which, of course, with me, may not be so long.

I’m just kidding about that last part. Well, sort of. That kind of joke has become common in our house. Sometimes it makes me laugh when nothing else will.

But, if I’m being really honest, I spend lots of time flirting with exhaustion. It’s not the volume of tasks that overwhelm, but how each of those tasks – or roles – conflict with each other. Wife vs. Mother, Mother vs. Nurse, Nurse vs. Writer, Writer vs. Cancer-patient, Daughter vs. Sister, Taxi-driver vs. Peace-maker, Encourager vs. Disciplinarian, Caretaker vs. Housekeeper, Housekeeper vs. Social Secretary, and of course my favourite role: remember everything for everyone else and make sure each of them is reminded of that thing to remember every two minutes.

Women tend to have role confusion. We sometimes call it ‘juggling.’

I think its more like flame-throwing. Read more

Oct 8

6 Comments

Back to the Future: A History of Thanksgiving

On my counter sits two bags of delicious homemade bread. My fridge boasts a beautiful display of homemade roasted pepper soup made by one of the very talented local authors of Mennonite Girls Can Cook. Last night we devoured plates of roasted potatoes, walnut chocolate chip cookies, and ‘easy lasagna’ casserole, all cooked fresh by a very dear friend of our family.

And right now I’m lightly cleaning up for the arrival of some of our favorite people ever – whom we also happen to be related to. These amazing friends and relatives are bringing every last inch of Thanksgiving dinner to us.

Wow.

All of this comes on the heels of the best news I’ve heard in the last few months: my prolactin levels were normal.

That means, no tumor.

At least, not in my pituitary gland.

It wouldn’t technically have been cancer, and it wouldn’t technically have been in my brain, but the thought of operating inside my skull – and the thought of something growing inside my skull, affecting how I thought, saw, and did things – really shook me.

The thought of another cancer or almost cancer made my brain – and heart – hurt.

David texted me the news on Thursday morning: I called the doctor. Pit levels are good.  Read more

Oct 5

4 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Woman: Elliana Meredith

So, last weekend the thought occurred to me that this ‘prolactinoma’ they’re wondering if I have – which would be evidenced by high prolactin levels – could actually be something else. Something very different. Something very happy.

There was a simple way to find out.

I took a test.

And, for a moment, it looked positive.  Then, I noticed something else.

Must have been a false positive. Because I was definitely NOT pregnant.

But when I told all this to David, I paused in between the false positive and the NOT pregnant part. His face contorted in a mixture of horror and humor.

‘Well, our babies have never really been, um… planned.’ he said.

He’s right.

Noelle was a pleasant surprise. Elliana was a whirlwind of, oh, this again, already?

And when I look back on it, Elliana may have been the trigger that made me really sick. Read more

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →