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Feb 19

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Definition

I have a friend who’s really good at something.

Actually, I have lots of friends who are freakishly talented at one thing or another. David and I float in a variety of accomplished crowds. We know alotof big-dreamers, sky-reachers, place-goers, and world-changers.

We – not so secretly – love living vicariously through them.

But to us, they’re just them.

We recently attended a party for one of these place-goers. Everyone who spoke about her mentioned her incredible talent.

I wasn’t surprised to hear how gifted she was. But the more I heard people refer to that thing, the more I thought, yeah, she’s really great at that, but…

…But to me, she’s just her.

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Feb 4

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Career Motherhood

Source: google.com via Morgan on Pinterest

My childhood aspirations didn’t include motherhood.

No, that’s not accurate. My plans included motherhood.

But that was just it. I thought I would do all of these really great things, and tuck my children in there somewhere, like something you check off a to-do list.

Is that such a terrible idea? First-time parents – particularly those career-oriented individuals who’ve waited to start a family – might understand what I mean. Actors bring their children to movie sets. Lawyers spend their lunches at playgrounds. Doctors build offices next to their houses and see their children between patients.

Surely I could manage that, right?

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Jan 25

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Engage, Disengage

“It would be good if you could come.”

A friend recently invited me to an event that sounded amazing – fun, restful, joyful, and good. Her words were accurate: it would be good if I could come. It would provide rest, develop relationship, and give me time to think, meet, and connect.

It all sounded great.

But I had a nagging feeling I shouldn’t go.

Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever think, that sounds incredible, or, I should go to that, because you know it will be so good for you, and yet, deep down, also know you shouldn’t go?

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Jan 11

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A Healthy Dose of Rebellion

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. – John F. Kennedy

Living in the town you grew up in has its advantages and disadvantages.

Primary advantage: you know where everything is.

Primary dis-advantage: you know who everyone is.

That last part’s not quite true. My ‘town’ is really too big to be called a town. But it’s the smallest ‘big-city-suburb’ I know, because everyone is related to everyone, and once you know a handful of those people related to everyone, you know everyone else and how they relate back.

Someday I should really do a ‘six degrees of – (insert semi-Mennonite or Dutch name here) chart’, except it might take me, well, years to write down.

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Jan 5

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Not a Has-Been, but a Will-Be: Bacall, Bogey & New Year’s Resolutions

I am not a has-been. I am a will be. – Lauren Bacall

I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions.

I used to be. I used to wish each year for the proverbial fifteen-pound-weight loss. I used to dream of flawless skin. I used to lust after better clothes or easier-to-manage hair.

But that’s all those things really turned out to be – wishes, dreams, and jealousies.

Some years, I was extra-determined. I had a plan. The plan would work. I would get what I wanted. And everyone else would look at me and say, hey, look at you!

Except the plan never worked. All the things you have to do in order to be skinnier and look better require powerful, long-term, daily-accessible motivation.

And what I look like on the outside was just never enough motivation. Read more

Dec 24

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You Are Not Alone

Disclaimer: I write this knowing that many of you who are good enough to read my blog may feel uncomfortable with faith. Know that I understand your questions, your concerns. I’ve been there myself, so many times.  Please don’t feel you need to read this. But I needed to write it. So, to those who are willing to indulge me… I thank you. Merry Christmas to you all.

Christmas Eve is usually my favorite day of the whole year.

Not this year.

I’m not entirely sure why it seemed so… off. We were surrounded by people. We were extravagantly gifted. We were focused on the ‘right things’.

But, somehow, a thousand things clumped together to make me wish, so fervently, that this day – this season – be over.

I’m starting to hate Christmas.

Yes, I said it. And though most of you are thinking, that chick be loca, a few of you just pumped your fist in the air with a sigh of finally, someone else thinks the same thing. Read more

Dec 19

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The Best Thing I did Last Christmas

Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave. – Indira Ghandi

The best thing I did last Christmas had nothing to do with family gatherings, food, music, lights… or what was under the tree.

In fact, it wasn’t public at all.

Last Christmas – after a particularly painful conversation with someone I wasn’t sure I could trust – I realized I was carrying something… heavy. Without trying, I’d found myself in… let’s call it tension, with a few key people  – and one of them called me out.

I didn’t know where the tension came from. Perhaps it was gradual, like a stack of tiny rocks I’d collected over the few years I’d known these people. I thought I’d stuffed it away, or even ‘dealt with it,’ and yet here I was, less than a week from Christmas, and the rocks had spilled all over the main part of my life.

There was no escaping it.

And I knew I had a choice: continue in the tension, try to pretend it wasn’t there, or try and diffuse it.

Those of you who’ve ever been married know that the best way to escalate a fight is to: 1) defend yourself, or 2) leave.

The only way to diffuse it?

Swallow your pride, stay in place, and try to understand the other person. Read more

Dec 14

Queen of the B’s, not Queen Bee: Lucille Ball

I’m not funny. What I am is brave. – Lucille Ball

I admit, one of my favorite movies is Mean Girls.

If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s an awfully disturbing insight into the adolescent (and perhaps lingering into the adult) female psyche.

Saturday Night Live alum Tina Fey developed the movie’s fictional script from Rosalind Wiseman’s non-fiction book, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence. Wiseman describes how female social circles are dictated by a clique leader – a Queen Bee. Those who support the clique leader fit in; those who don’t fit her impossible standards, don’t.

In case any of you were wondering, I wasn’t Queen Bee in high school.

Yeah, you can stop choking on your food now.

No matter how I tried, cool seemed to elude me.

Sound familiar to anyone? Read more

Dec 5

Fear Not

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. – H.P. Lovecraft

Life was trickling along happily this summer.

And then September came.

September is a cruel month, for kids and moms. The shopping, planning, early mornings, and fights over what to wear (I think that’s a girl thing), shocks us all out of the lazy, hazy days of summer.

September was even more cruel this year, since summer didn’t start until August 3rd, or so, and peaked just after Labour Day.

But a week into Grade One, we heard Noelle had – miraculously – gotten a spot at the fine arts school, a place I just knew would be right for her, a place I thought it would take years to get her into.

She started her new school in Level 2 reading. A week and a half later, she was in Level 5.

Right now, she’s reading Amelia Bedelia to us at bedtime.

So when this mid-September school change hump was past, I started to get comfortable. I started to think, this is it. I started to believe my life – and Noelle’s, and David’s, and even little Elliana’s – would be light years better.

David is snickering right now, because just this morning we argued over the meaning of the phrase ‘light year.’ Read more

Nov 23

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Wednesday’s Wonder Woman: Margaret Thatcher

I’m extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher

Sometimes I’ve wondered if me being sick is harder on other people than on me.

Think about it: have you ever felt it harder to watch someone go through something hard, than to go through that thing yourself?

Six years ago next Monday, I was on my hands-and-knees in the tiniest labour room at MSA General Hospital, wondering what on earth is happening to me and when in the world it would be over, and through the haze of nitrous oxide, I heard my doctor tell my husband that maybe he should take a minute outside.

I giggled. It’s called laughing gas for a reason.

But I wasn’t that surprised that he found it harder to watch me be in pain than to be in pain himself.

It’s something I see a lot in my job. Maternal grandmas get overwhelmed at their daughter’s experience; concerned dads are shocked to realize they had no idea what women went through to do this. Read more

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