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Posts by Lana

May 22

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Mature Immaturity

Once upon another time, before I knew which life was mine, before I left the child behind me; I saw myself in summer nights and stars lit up like candlelight, I ‘d make my wish, but mostly I… believed. – Sara Bareilles

Take me back to the time when I was maybe eight or nine, and I believed… When wonders and when mysteries were far less often silly dreams and childhood fantasies…. before rational analysis and systematic thinking robbed me of a sweet simplicity. – Nichole Nordeman

Two of my dearest friends asked me last night why I’ve not blogged in the last few weeks.

What happened? Did we miss something? Did you stop writing?

The short answer: no.

The long answer: I had nothing to say.

Correction: I had nothing very pleasant to say.

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Apr 23

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Photographic Memory

Yesterday should have been a very, very sad day in our house.

Except… it wasn’t.

Our beloved hockey team’s season ended too short once again.

Some of you are relieved. Others are happy. And a rather large selection of you so-called friends are ridiculously happy that us doomed Canuck faithful are sentenced to yet another painful ending.

I love you. But I don’t understand you.

(Don’t worry, you don’t need to explain. I will never understand you. Or, that part of you, at least.)

But there are a few who today, like me, are sad, somewhat confused, and yet… okay.

It’s only a game, of course.

But a great game.

(High fives to all who agree.)

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Apr 17

2 Comments

Be Not Yourself

He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty. – Lao Tzu

You all know I love Glee.

Well, I don’t love everything on that show. I don’t love the occasional schizophrenic character changes or the wheel of revolving relationships. I also don’t love the defense of every minority except one (those of you in that one know exactly what I’m talking about).

But I love the music.

They also know how to deal with bullies.

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Apr 6

4 Comments

No Guarantees

I’m just trying not to hang on too tight.

A friend of ours said these words as we celebrated with them this week. After years of hard work and manifold bends in the road, they are in a positive, hopeful, great place. So great, in fact, they can’t bear to think that right now might not last for the rest of their lives.

But they’re old enough to know better.

These past few days I’ve wondered if I have a stamp on my forehead that says, my life’s a little intense right now, so please make it harder, if you can. I’m so sure this sign exists – perhaps even has blinking lights around it – that the edginess of a few weeks ago looks happy in comparison to the feisty, cynical bark escaping me now.

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Mar 25

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Strength for Today

Believe it or not, this is not the craziest stretch of life I’ve walked through.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nuts. It’s a psychotic, insane, you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me season.

But it’s not my first time feeling this way.

Never mind that. You’re all reading this because you want news about David. So, here it is:

Yesterday I went to work. David was feeling well when I left. He wanted some activities to distract him, so he volunteered to do some of Noelle’s school work with her and plant some seeds in our make-shift garden. He said the activity made him feel energized and refreshed.

Then came late afternoon.

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Mar 23

Survival

Last Saturday my Kindle broke.

Yes, Amazon will fix it – for free. Yes, the new one arrives today. But at the time, I thought, really, universe?! If you’re going to suck my whole life down the drain doing things I really wish I wasn’t doing, couldn’t you at least have left me with my Kindle?

Yes, I know. This is one of those first world problems. For a list of more first world problems, join me on Pinterest. My board ‘words to live by’ has an excellent – and hilarious – explanation.

But, though I’m ashamed to admit it, the loss of my Kindle did mess me up.

Why?

I was re-reading The Hunger Games.

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Mar 19

15 Comments

Scraping for Grace

Last summer an old friend found this blog and sent me an email.

It brought me to tears. But the part I remember most was where he told me it was okay if I broke down once in awhile.

I knew what he meant. He was giving me permission to be less than perfect.

I thanked him for his wise words. But I also told him the truth, which was, I wasn’t faking the decision to be happy. In fact, cancer – somehow – increased my capacity for joy.

I’ve not felt much like breaking down these past three years.

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Mar 6

6 Comments

Great Power, Great Responsibility

Last Tuesday I pulled my six-year-old girl out of school.

I’ve agonized over the decision for weeks. Many of you know that I intended to wait. I wanted her to finish grade one with her friends. I wanted her to have four more months with the fabulous woman she’s been blessed with for a teacher. I wanted the transition to be gentle.

None of that happened.

Out of respect for Noelle’s privacy, I won’t share details here.  But my girl begged me to let her learn at home. And once I’d shared her concerns with a couple of close psychologist friends, I realized it didn’t matter if her request fit my plans. Pulling her now was what we had to do.

The next day BC teachers voted to strike.

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Feb 19

4 Comments

Definition

I have a friend who’s really good at something.

Actually, I have lots of friends who are freakishly talented at one thing or another. David and I float in a variety of accomplished crowds. We know alotof big-dreamers, sky-reachers, place-goers, and world-changers.

We – not so secretly – love living vicariously through them.

But to us, they’re just them.

We recently attended a party for one of these place-goers. Everyone who spoke about her mentioned her incredible talent.

I wasn’t surprised to hear how gifted she was. But the more I heard people refer to that thing, the more I thought, yeah, she’s really great at that, but…

…But to me, she’s just her.

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Feb 4

6 Comments

Career Motherhood

Source: google.com via Morgan on Pinterest

My childhood aspirations didn’t include motherhood.

No, that’s not accurate. My plans included motherhood.

But that was just it. I thought I would do all of these really great things, and tuck my children in there somewhere, like something you check off a to-do list.

Is that such a terrible idea? First-time parents – particularly those career-oriented individuals who’ve waited to start a family – might understand what I mean. Actors bring their children to movie sets. Lawyers spend their lunches at playgrounds. Doctors build offices next to their houses and see their children between patients.

Surely I could manage that, right?

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