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Posts tagged ‘CML’

Jun 11

3 Comments

Resurrection

 

Some day we will all find what we are looking for. Or maybe we won’t. Maybe we will find something much greater than that. – Anonymous

Let the ruins come to life. – Joel Houston

 

Two and a half years ago, I stared at a computer screen and gripped a scrap piece of paper in my hands.

Should I? Shouldn’t I? 

Then:

Does it even matter?

I was 31;

three years into my relationship with leukemia,

and not too many more into my relationship with motherhood.

I struggled to juggle

kids who were no longer toddlers, not quite school-aged children,

with a job I mostly loved, sometimes hated.

I’d graduated from one phase of life

– here is where we have children –

to one I never thought I’d see

– here is where we try to keep me alive so I can raise those children.

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Jan 23

10 Comments

Surface Tension

When grace is joined by wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. – Victor Hugo

Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them. – Anna Magnani

 

One year ago last month

in the Great Meredith Renovation of 2013

after much, erhm, spirited debate

David and I reached a peaceful resolution to the exasperating question of:

Carpet on the stairs, or hardwood?

The beauty of our wood floor, its ease of cleaning – and our naive belief that our children were too old to fall down the stairs – won out over the traditional safety of our previously-carpeted stairs.

(Ahem.)

Ten days ago I fell down those stairs.

I could feel it happen. Side note: walking and texting is dangerous.

So are un-hemmed Lululemon pants.

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Jun 4

13 Comments

Brown Bear, Black Bear

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. – Winston Churchill

Frailty, thy name is cancer.

One moment, an oracle, another, a despot; it’s wedged its way in the crevice of each day – lurking, threatening to erupt if I give it too much attention.

Or too little.

Six months ago, I burst out of the oncologist’s office with an uncontainable laugh. I’d just found out the philadelphia (ie. leukemia) gene was at the lowest it had ever been. When David pointed this out to my doctor, he acknowledged with a smile that yes, you are doing very well, and several other words that I somehow understood to mean I was past the goal line and I was out of danger and this was as close to remission as CML gets.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

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Oct 1

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Puddlejumping

Every autumn I think, let’s skip family pictures this year.

They’re a lot of work. And do I really need to see how many wrinkles and cellulite I’ve gained in the past twelve months?

Yeah, not so much.

But then I look at my giggling girls on the wall of our entryway. I think about how different they look this year.

And I remember how much fun we have with this great lady, someone I don’t see nearly often enough, who also happens to be a fantastic photographer.

Somehow Joanne can get my girls to do anything. And even when they don’t do what she asks, she accommodates her shots to fit their moods. She brings props, ladders, and toys. She hauls said props up and down ditches, hills, and playgrounds.

Then she says she loves it. That’s talent.

A couple of years ago we had almost postponed our shoot because of rain. I remember Joanne said to me, I have lots of umbrellas. We could just use the setting. It’d look great!

And I – the wuss that I am – said, No, I don’t want to get my hair wet. Read more

Sep 21

11 Comments

Wednesday’s Wonder Woman:The Original, Canadian “Bones”

Week after week I pillage Google for inspiring women to write about. And, I always wonder, where are all the Canadians?

Despite the stereotype that Canadians are ‘nice’ and ‘polite,’ Canadian women are more fire and ice than most. Back a few months, when our hockey team was playing San Jose, a number of San Jose fans trolled Canucks forums, saying things like, ‘our chicks are hotter than yours.’

Typical smack talk, and all part of the fun of sports fandom, I know. But, I was pretty impressed that MORE than a few male Canuck fans jumped on that comment. ‘We grow ’em pretty, gritty, and smart up here.’

We do.

So, where are all the Canadian heroines?

I don’t mean famous people. I don’t mean rock stars or actresses. I don’t mean songwriters or athletes.

Though, we do have a few of those that make my Canadian heart swell with pride.

I mean women who otherwise would not be known except that they dared to do what others said was impossible.

And then, this week, I found these two great books by Merna Forster: 100 Canadian Heroines, and 100 More Canadian Heroines: Famous and Forgotten Faces.

The first is promoted by our only female Prime Minister, Kim Campbell: “The term ‘weaker sex’ should make one’s blood boil after reading this book,” she says.

The second, released just this month, writes about a woman whose name is so boring, but life so interesting, I had to direct attention her way.

Bones fans? You might want to pay attention here. Read more

Feb 9

7 Comments

The post I never thought I’d write

Most of you reading this will know I have very, very good news to share. Unbelievable news, actually. Its not shocking, or overtly miraculous, like those people that go in for scans and the doctors tell them things like there is no trace of them ever having HAD cancer, nothing like that. But for me, a miracle all the same, and the best news I have heard in over two years. Read more

Jul 22

1 Comment

That’s it, I’m moving to Hawaii

Do I even have to explain why?

Yes, I know you’ve heard me say this before, but I need to say it again: Hawaii would make everything better. How do I know? Putting aside the amazing smell of island air – just one breath of which, even from the plane, is enough to bring me down ten notches – and forgetting the stunning beauty of the beaches, the soothing repetition of the waves, or the feeling of pure serenity that I have while sipping coffee on the lanai, it really boils down to one thing.

Sun. Read more

Jul 5

3 Comments

Welcome to July 5th

As we drove up I-5 yesterday and observed the stunning fireworks by everyone who set them off near the freeway, I was thinking about this day eight years ago when I said to David at our rehearsal dinner, “hey – happy independence day,”and he laughed, saying, “yup, its my last one.” You’ll have to ask him if he thinks that marriage has made him sacrifice too much of his independence, as he joked about back then, but as I remembered this, I couldn’t help wondering if yesterday was my last independence day too, in a way, since Read more

Jun 24

4 Comments

Our new friend, Sprycel

Hello everyone!

Those of you that want just the “news,” scroll down a bit… those of you that care to hear my “ramblings,” well… continue on.

May I just say that this past week has really tried my patience? It occurred to me at work the other night, as I was tucking in one of my patients who’d finally gotten an epidural and was able to sleep, that this continual-sometimes-minor-sometimes-major stress of the last 18 months has taken its toll on my emotions. I haven’t felt anger, much. I haven’t really fought the diagnosis, I haven’t been that frustrated. But I realized that night that between the continual, am I sick or am I getting better? Am I living or dying yet? my mind and heart was just plain tired. I’m sure that the ridiculously bad weather we’ve been having hasn’t helped, and since I’ve been on chemo I haven’t been able to “cheat”and use “artificial” sun.

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